Don’t even think about it. You will have to pay my $110 on June 1st or else I’m going to pester you FOREVER until you concede and pay the money which I’ve worked hard for. Or better yet, I’m going to delete all the links in the sponsored posts which I wrote for you. And every time I will find the time to blog, I will always blog about how you scammed me and why other bloggers shouldn’t trust your company. I know it’s not due date yet but what the f*! My instinct is telling me that you are planning to scam me. Plus the things I read about you from the net is kinda confirming my suspicions. I hope I am wrong. I hope that what they say about you is not true. I hope that this is just me getting paranoid. I still hope that you’re going to send the full payment on the first week of June. But until June 1, I have no right to reveal your name. Or maybe until the second week of June. You actually remind me of Sally (that’s her real name). She always tells me that she’s going to pay her debt on this day or on that day but after more than a year of false promises, she still hasn’t paid the money which she owes me. That’s the reason why I revealed her true name. She’s a shameless b*tch who doesn’t know how to pay back. I will understand if she still can’t afford to pay her debts. But she’s really a heartless byotch. One time she told me her nephew is in the hospital so the money which she was supposed to pay me went to the medicines, bills, and I don’t know … she’s a liar. Anyway, I told her that I understand and that I am willing to wait until next payday. Thing is, a few days after our conversation, I just saw her wearing a new pair of sandals which she bought from one of our officemates. The total price of the sandals is P700 for two pairs. GRRR 2 pairs and I cannot even afford one. P350 each. To think that I even suggested installment basis, P100 every 5th and 20th. Now, if she has some plans of paying me back, she could have just gotten a pair then given me P100. Her debt is not that much. Just P1400. Yes, it’s not much but it’s something. I’m not rich! But wait, there’s more! That’s not the only incident. On other occasions, she told me she’s going to pay TOMORROW and I was so stupid to be all excited and happy only to realize that tomorrow is SATURDAY! No work =( Truth is, I’ve already forgotten the other incidents when she intentionally lied to me. So, yeah. Sally’s face is so thick she deserves a big exposure in my blog. Going back to my $110, YOU, yes you! Send me the full amount on June 1 or I’m going to give you plenty of exposures in all of my 4 blogs. All you people who don’t know how to pay, why can’t you just die, huh? Sally thinks she outsmart me. People also say that I’m stupid. But here is what I know: I’m working hard as in really hard to sustain myself. I don’t need to scam other people to earn money. They say I’m stupid because I cannot force Sally to pay her debt. But I will never be ashamed to face any of them because it is SALLY who should be ashamed.
idle. late. lazy.
I don’t know what will motivate me to start working hard again but I’m just not in the mood for everything and that includes coming on time for my office job. I was one-hour late every single day for the entire month of September and certainly, a memorandum awaits me come first week of October. Either a written reprimand or a two-week suspension from the HR. Funny is that I’m not worried. Not at all.
My friend told me I should be thankful the big bosses are not firing me yet because if I were working in their company, I would have been kicked out from my job a long time ago. Or they would have humiliated me in public like maybe shout at me in front of my officemates? Okay. I don’t feel anything about them not terminating me but I do feel blessed that my boss never yelled at me for being tardy.
We talked about it a couple of times already, casually. But I don’t want to elaborate on that. I just want to establish the fact that she, as my immediate superior, already did her part by encouraging me to come on time because higher merit increase will be given to me if I’d improve on that aspect. Sadly, I do not intend to properly behave soon. I must be giving everybody the impression that I’m a conceited person. Or stubborn. Whichever.
It’s not. Of course I have a very high respect for my boss and I do want to show her that I’m seriously taking her advice. But it’s not about her. You see, it’s about me. It’s about me just being irresponsible and care-free. It’s my fault. Only mine. I wish I could tender my resignation on Monday but I still need this job which is hurting my pride even more. Have you ever experienced something as painful as this?
For me this is the ultimate torture: to stay in a job even if I am no longer happy. Again, this is not their fault but mine and nobody else’s. They’d been generally nice to me and so far, I would say that I didn’t do anything bad to them too. So, quits. Hehe.
Why am I discontented? Well, because this job will never enable me to afford the lifestyle I so want. I want to travel and visit places and as a regular wager, that dream is close to impossible unless I won a jackpot prize in lotto. Or, if I made it big in freelancing.
Blah blah blah.
I made a promise to myself not to write too personal things in my blogs but hell, nobody’s really reading my journals so I should be safe. Speaking of freelancing, I am utterly discouraged with this whole freelance writing thing. I swear I wouldn’t write anything for the month of October. I need a rest. They want a robot or a machine, not a human.
Truth is, I feel so small for writing this post. I hope my bosses will never have the chance to read this. I’m using a pen name but they might have a hint that it’s me so I’m a bit paranoid. I wouldn’t have the courage to face them again forever in case they’d read this crap. This is crazy. I don’t even know why I’m sharing this. Perhaps for therapy. I wish I could talk to someone about my thoughts but I already know what they’re going to tell me so never mind. That is “it’s your fault.” LOL
Yeah. Everything. Is. Simply. My. Fault.
False Impressions
Recently, my friend told me that I’m too much of a good girl for putting up with another friend whose favorite passtime is to complain. I’m not so sure if it’s a compliment or what? On another incident, my officemate commented that I’m really nice for accepting a task nobody else would like to do. And when I checked my blog, tadaaa!, I have positive comments froma few readers saying I’m sweet and all, and of course, it’s flattering 
However, I worry that I might be giving the wrong impression. Here’s the bitter truth, I’m just an ordinary person who easily gets impatient when in a foul mood. Don’t be deceived because that aspiring princess you’ve read from my previous post might turn out to be a “witch slash gremlin slash monster” in real life.
aaaanywaaaays – just to give you a preview on how immature and childish I am (by the way, there is a big difference between childish and childlike hehe), I decided to share something that I’m really ashamed about haha!
okey, let me take a deep breath…here it is.
I am not a regular church goer.
Yeah.
That’s right.
I’m too lazy to attend the mass.
I hope to change soon.
But how?
I can’t feel the urge to do it.
But starting next month, August, I will be attending novenas at St. Jude. The patron of the hopeless. I really do hope that helps me.
PS. To you, who never forgets your duty, I envy you a lot! Hope in the future I’d be able to win over myself.
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