dad

January 27, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

10 years ago, you asked me “how old are you?”

and i said “i’m 18! don’t you know?”

i was laughing because you are my father so it’s impossible that you don’t know

you said “ang bilis ng panahon”

you told me to focus on my studies. get a bachelor’s degree. then after graduation, you’ll help me find a boyfriend

honestly, i didn’t like the idea

i had a strong feeling you are going to recommend someone i wouldn’t like

but i understood what you are trying to point out and that is for me to finish college

so i said “okay”

then a year after that, you passed away

i couldn’t believe it

how could life be so unfair?

but i learned that life is not really unfair

some things are bound to happen according to God’s wonderful plan

i am no longer sad

but i still miss you

i wonder if there is beer in heaven?

you don’t smoke but i know you like beer

well, i hope there is beer in heaven

and i also hope there is internet in heaven so you can read my blog

i also pray that God will be kind to me

that He’ll give me to someone who can treat me the way you treated me and my sister

happy birthday dad! – you are the capt. crewe of my life

sa aking tatay, ang nag-iisang lalaki na nagmahal sa akin ng totoo :)

Filed Under: family matters, I'm Just a Human, living life!, personal thoughts, unforgettable memories ·

A very intelligent comment

July 28, 2011 by · 9 Comments

I have a blogging dilemma and it all started with a very intelligent comment from an accidental visitor.

Hey….I just read your blog while surfing the net, it is good to know that there are talented Filipinos working their ass on the online world. I am a writer too, I understand that we all have our own ways of expressing what we feel and sharing our experiences. However, no offense, I just find you kind of “bragging” than sharing your stories. I hope on your next blogs, you rather “share” your experiences to motivate other people who are interested in writing. Just a piece of advice, it would be better to share your talent in the right way by being a catalyst of inspiration to those who have talent same as yours but were not blessed to have the same opportunities. See you in odesk….who knows, we might be on the same team.

The problem? I realized that I am an irresponsible blogger. When I blog, I only think about myself. Although I try not to offend other people, I also don’t intend to serve as an inspiration. I can’t possibly inspire others. I’m not successful and if anything, I’m just a struggling freelancer. I can’t even call myself a writer cuz that would be an insult to those who studied years to become a professional writer. Anyway, when I first read the comment, I wanted to laugh. After writing about my insecurities and failures and bad experiences, people think I’m bragging.  So, I’m bragging. But I read again that post and realized that I really sounded like “bragging.” Suddenly, I am embarrassed. Suddenly, I felt the urge to just terminate my blogs and just stop blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way offended by that comment. On the contrary, I think that it’s what they call “constructive criticism.” It’s just that suddenly, I feel that having 4 blogs is not worth my time.  It’s not beneficial to me or to anyone.

Filed Under: a career booger?, a discontented booger, blogging career, Consider This, in the name of money, talking booger, unforgettable memories, what they have to say ·

Meet random people

July 11, 2011 by · 1 Comment

Having access to unlimited internet connection is almost cool. It would have been 100% cool if Smart Broadband’s connectivity is not too slow :) But, yes. I think that I’m so blessed to have my own computer with internet. There are so many things that I can do. I can watch movies, play games, make money online, and meet random people from the web.

Before I was hooked with blogging, I was busy with online dating sites. Speaking of which, I suddenly feel embarrassed that once upon a time I joined such websites. I don’t know why. To tell the truth, I wouldn’t discover the beautiful world of blogosphere if I didn’t join online dating sites. Innocent Angel. Yup. That’s the name of the website that I joined. It wasn’t like a chatroulette where people are randomly paired for webcam based conversation.

In IA, the people are fake. This the reason why I think the website has stopped its operation. Hehe. Fake as in the profiles are only made up by the admin. I have no evidence, though. It’s just my theory. A good looking guy from NY contacted me and we exchanged emails for a couple of months. Weird. My instinct was telling me that the admin (who happens to be a girl) and the man are just one person :)

First off, the tone of his messages doesn’t sound like a man. It feels like I’m reading a message from a girl. IDK. As I’ve said, it’s really weird. Another thing is that, I believe that Americans don’t speak Tagalog unless they have visited the Philippines or have a Filipino friend. Anyway, his last message was very mysterious. Words like “na” and “lang” were inserted at the end of the sentences.

Yeah. It could be just a typographical error. But I was curious so I asked him if he knows Tagalog. Since then, he didn’t reply anymore. Instead, another guy from Germany started to send me emails asking for friendship. Weird. The NY and German guy sound like they are just one person. So, the girl admin and the NY guy and the German guy sound like they are just one person. How could that be?

I asked the German guy if he knows Mr. NY and he said yes. They met through IA. IDK. Maybe it was just me who was very suspicious or crazy. LOL. After that, I lost interest in the site. But in my mind, I really believed that the admin was faking up profiles so that more girls will be encouraged to join her website.

Filed Under: Amour-finding adventures, exploring the world, in the name of money, unforgettable memories ·

idle. late. lazy.

October 2, 2010 by · 8 Comments

I don’t know what will motivate me to start working hard again but I’m just not in the mood for everything and that includes coming on time for my office job. I was one-hour late every single day for the entire month of September and certainly, a memorandum awaits me come first week of October. Either a written reprimand or a two-week suspension from the HR. Funny is that I’m not worried. Not at all.

My friend told me I should be thankful the big bosses are not firing me yet because if I were working in their company, I would have been kicked out from my job a long time ago. Or they would have humiliated me in public like maybe shout at me in front of my officemates? Okay. I don’t feel anything about them not terminating me but I do feel blessed that my boss never yelled at me for being tardy.

We talked about it a couple of times already, casually. But I don’t want to elaborate on that. I just want to establish the fact that she, as my immediate superior, already did her part by encouraging me to come on time because higher merit increase will be given to me if I’d improve on that aspect. Sadly, I do not intend to properly behave soon. I must be giving everybody the impression that I’m a conceited person. Or stubborn. Whichever.

It’s not. Of course I have a very high respect for my boss and I do want to show her that I’m seriously taking her advice. But it’s not about her. You see, it’s about me. It’s about me just being irresponsible and care-free. It’s my fault. Only mine. I wish I could tender my resignation on Monday but I still need this job which is hurting my pride even more. Have you ever experienced something as painful as this?

For me this is the ultimate torture: to stay in a job even if I am no longer happy. Again, this is not their fault but mine and nobody else’s. They’d been generally nice to me and so far, I would say that I didn’t do anything bad to them too. So, quits. Hehe.

Why am I discontented? Well, because this job will never enable me to afford the lifestyle I so want. I want to travel and visit places and as a regular wager, that dream is close to impossible unless I won a jackpot prize in lotto. Or, if I made it big in freelancing.

Blah blah blah.

I made a promise to myself not to write too personal things in my blogs but hell, nobody’s really reading my journals so I should be safe.  Speaking of freelancing, I am utterly discouraged with this whole freelance writing thing. I swear I wouldn’t write anything for the month of October. I need a rest. They want a robot or a machine, not a human.

Truth is, I feel so small for writing this post. I hope my bosses will never have the chance to read this. I’m using a pen name but they might have a hint that it’s me so I’m a bit paranoid. I wouldn’t have the courage to face them again forever in case they’d read this crap. This is crazy. I don’t even know why I’m sharing this. Perhaps for therapy.  I wish I could talk to someone about my thoughts but I already know what they’re going to tell me so never mind. That is “it’s your fault.” LOL

Yeah. Everything. Is. Simply. My. Fault.

Filed Under: a career booger?, a discontented booger, living life!, personal thoughts, poor spirited, talking booger, travel with empty wallet, unforgettable memories, what they have to say ·

Souvenirs and spaces

September 30, 2010 by · Leave a Comment

As I grow older, I noticed that some of the things that I am keeping in my tiny room are no longer needed. My space is cluttered with things I got from exchange gifts and some souvenirs I received from weddings and baptismal. And by the way, my room is not really a  room. Our small living area is partitioned by long shower curtains so I can have some privacy. It’s my mother’s idea :)

I really want to allot one whole day to organize everything. My aunt is already itching to throw away my stuffs because for her those little remembrances are just garbage. But being the sentimentalist that I am, I find it really hard to let go of anything that reminds me of special occasions. I wish there was a self Storage Croydon here in the Philippines just like in United Kingdom. I want to rent a secured place where I can keep my mugs, picture frames, figurines, candles, letters, etc. In this way, I wouldn’t have to worry that my personal belongings are interrupting other people’s lives.

Now, I only got two options. First, we can move to a bigger house where rooms are spacious and cabinets are numerous. However, it would mean getting a housing loan which I cannot afford yet at the moment. So technically speaking, it’s not really an option. Second, I’d arrange my things by simply hiding them in a big box where no one will see them again, forever. What do you think?

Filed Under: living life!, memories, unforgettable memories ·
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