Withering flower

We were having dinner at Chowking Malate when I told my high school best friend that I have something important to tell. Her facial expressions immediately became serious and then she asked me if I were pregnant. I almost choked with her funny yet stupid question. What does that question supposed to mean? She knows very well my love story and it just so happened that the first and only man I ever loved in my entire life is from the other side of the world. Like we never got the chance to see each other in person. So, how on earth am I going to get pregnant? Haha! I didn’t answer her question instead I just rolled my eyes and next thing was we were just laughing hard about it.

Anyway, I wanted to let her know about my plans of becoming a freelance writer. I’m not getting any younger and at this point of my life, I’m searching for a job that would assure me of financial stability. My current full-time job is dead-end. Of course, it’s great that  my desk job is enabling me to pay for the basic bills however, I’m not satisfied. I want something better and as of this minute, blogging and freelance writing are the only possible opportunities I can get. It seems that working abroad is not for me.  My best friend’s salary is 40k a month which is a fairly huge amount if you are living alone in Manila. I am genuinely happy for her. But somehow, I couldn’t help but feel inferior with my 12k.

Photo credits: www.amourdart.com

Let me clarify that I’m not jealous. She utterly deserves it! She’s so kind-hearted and all. Maybe a little envious but not to the extent that I’m losing hope. Besides, I’m not the jealous type, I am the ambitious type. Shy, ambitious and faithful all rolled into one, that’s my personality. I have an inexplicably strong feeling, He has fabulous plans for me. There is a voice whispering in my heart that something incredible will happen and I just need to wait and to be patient. Trouble is, I’m getting older. In a few weeks I’m turning 27 and I hate to say this, but reality is starting to sink in.

I’m not yet financially stable, I haven’t found yet the right person for me and to make my situation worse, I’m growing old. Never mind that I’m still single, I’m absolutely fine with that. Joke. In truth, I am beginning to see my self as an ugly old maid a few more years from now. My other best friend is one year younger than me and she is already wanting to have a family of her own. This got me thinking if something is wrong with me. They’re all getting or at least planning to get married and I am not.

I am suddenly confused. Which should I prioritize? Career or love? I know women should get married at a certain age. But the thought of staying single for the next five years does not bother me. I’m more worried about staying broke and being penniless for the rest of my life. At the very least I should have a back-up source of income.

Finding the One

It’s annoying why I always can’t find my safety pin everytime I need it. No matter how hard I try to search for it, it just wouldn’t show up. Funny is that, I see it everywhere when I’m not looking for it. Like, it’s playing hide and seek with me.

Last week, I saw this mysterious safety pin on my drawer. I didn’t need it at that time so I ignored it. But under my breath I said “Gotcha!” and made a mental note on where I can find it in case my pant’s zipper gets broken again.

One of our neighbors told me that a ghost who likes to hide things is living in my family’s house. I was also told that this “ghost” does it to annoy people. Like when my sister needed her scissors, we searched every corner of the house and we still didn’t find it. A few days later, my brother found the scissors on top of the cabinet. Scary, huh.

But me and my siblings were raised not to believe in ghosts or other supernatural phenomenon. That’s why we just laughed it off when we heard the story. There is no ghost. I’m just “burara.” Messy. Disorganized. My mother said she’s afraid that me and my future husband will always fight because I’m too lazy to de-clutter my things.

My Mom is not afraid of ghosts. She’s afraid that I’d stay single for the rest of my life. No matter how many times I assure her that I’m going to settle down by the age of 35, she’s not relieved. She said I can’t latch on with any man just because I’m already 35. Now is the right time to start a lasting relationship.

For me, my mother is the most intelligent woman in the whole wide world. I’d bet on that. But at my age of 26, I’ve had enough reasons to believe that finding the One is akin to finding that safety pin. I’m convinced that when I’m looking for something, I’ll never find it. Same goes with love. The more I search for it, the less chances for me to actually find it.

That’s why I’m not waiting for Mr. Right. That’s why I’m never bothered when friends make me feel I’m left behind. That’s why I’m 26, single, but not worried. That’s why I’m turning 27 soon but not in a hurry. Women my age are, most likely, already on the family way but here I am, still enjoying the liberty of not being tied down, which is great. Truth is, I’m determined to live life to the fullest with or without a man.

Mom’s Memories of Me

My mother told me a funny story…well, it’s not really funny but my mom finds it funny. She said while she was in labour of my younger sister, she was crying out loud because it was really painful. She didn’t know what to do as my dad had not arrived yet. To her surprise, I (me) climbed on the bed and kept on wiping her tears as if I already understood what was happening. I was just 2 years old at that time

This is one thing that I really love about my mom My mom’s really sweet! She never seems to forget about all the stories while me and my siblings were growing up. Like my first day in kindergarten, first communion, and even the oldest details of my life like my first haircut (she hid a part of my hair in a book because of a superstitious belief), first visit to the dentist (she said i was really scared hehe), the exact time when I was born, etc. Everytime neighbors would tell her “your daughter has a nice pair of legs” she would immediately reply with “mosquito bites were a BIG NO-NO when she was growing up!” haha but my legs are not really pretty. Let’s just say that I have very few scars you won’t notice it. According to her, she really took care of my and my sister’s legs. Lucky me! 

My mother is the most special woman in my life! And I couldn’t think of any other person that could possibly replace her in my heart!

love yah mommy!

kiss

Ich Liebe Dich

Ich liebe dich is the first foreign phrase that I learned. Well, English is not my mother tongue but it’s always been included in my subjects ever since Kindergarten up to college so it’s so familiar to me I don’t consider it foreign anymore heh-heh . Besides, I read in an encyclopedia that English is the official written language in my country, meaning it’s kind of already a second language for us Pinoys. So going back to ich libe dich, it is Austrian for I love you. and in Austria, they speak German . One time my friend saw my friendster account and asked about a photo album which I named ICH LIEBE DICH!. She thought I just invented some weird sounding words so my profile would look unique heh-heh!  but how I was able to learn these special words, I won’t share. I’m shy. but let me tell you, it’s one of the most amazing moments in my life! there is something magical in it that makes my heart melt…